Oh Cabbage, My Cabbage
by VEcuzimlazy
Summary: One day a cabbage merchant storms into a lawyers office, demanding justice. Upon being told to calm down and start from the beginning he starts to reminisce about his cabbage filled life. And so the legacy continues... -One Shot


Oh Cabbage, My Cabbage

"You want to sue the Avatar?" The bored looking secretary asked glancing over his glasses at the frantic man before him.

"Yes!" The man screamed emphatically, banging his fist on the desk causing the poor secretary's inkwell to rattle precariously next to his mountain of documents. "and you would too if you knew what I've been through."

"I'm afraid," the secretary said steadying his inkwell irritably, "that Mr. Fawery is quite busy at the moment. I suggest you look for help elsewhere."

The fogged glass door behind the secretary opened revealing a somewhat hefty man with a round face. "Now, now, Jetson. Lets hear this fine gentleman out why don't we. This might be a surprisingly profitable case."

Jetson sniffed and pushed his glasses further up his nose, haughty disdain clearly oozing from his countenance as he went to hold the office door open for their potential client.

"Well then," Mr. Fawery said sitting down and folding his hands as Jetson shut the door behind them, "what can I do for you? It's not everyday someone says they want to sue the avatar."

"Finally, someone who will listen!" The man exclaimed, plopping down in the chair across from Mr. Fawery in a show that seemed much to young for the white haired man. "You see sir, I am, or was," He grumbled to the side, "an upstanding and respected merchant."

"Oh," Mr. Fawery leaned forward with interest, "what did you sell."

"Cabbages."

The lawyer sighed and fell back into his chair.

"I see that look," the cabbage merchant said, "I know what it means. Cabbages? How could something so singular derive a profit? But I made it work, sir, yes I did! My cabbages were the largest, cleanest , greenest beauties you could imagine. I grew them myself with tender love and care." A faraway look glazed over the cabbage merchants eyes. After a moment they sharpened with rage and he slammed his fist on the desk, standing up. "Or they were until that dreadful avatar and his minions decided that their goal in life was to destroy my lively hood!"

"Please, calm down and take your seat. Now then, why don't you start from the beginning."

"From, the beginning?" The cabbage merchant sat down limply, staring far off into some incorporeal past only he could touch. "It all began so long ago.

"As a child I never fit into my family. They focused and spent their days planting and caring for and harvesting cantaloupe. But I had not interest in such affairs. They tried to put me to work, and I too tried to work hard on our farm, but I simply held no interest in cantaloupe. There was nor excitement, no romance, that came from such greenery. Early on it was obvious that farming cantaloupe was a task that I was unsuited for. With this in mind they set me up with a stall, hoping I would be better at selling cantaloupes in the market. I was much better at this task, but I knew I was capable of so much more.

"Next to me at the market was an elderly man who grew and sold the finest greenery I had ever seen! One day, when I was left alone to tend the stall, I secretly bought one of his more modest morsels. I'll never forget the gleam in that old mans eyes when I bought it, he knew that that one purchase would change my life. Later that night I took it out behind the barn and boiled it, tasting the sweet temptation of cabbage stew for the first time in my life. It was then I knew that the cantaloupe life was not for me. That I would spend the rest of my life pursuing the perfect cabbage.

"My family, my family didn't understand me. They called my ambitions foolhardy and said that no one wanted to buy a cabbage over a cantaloupe. I pretended to give it up, but secretly I bought cabbage seeds from the old man and studied his techniques. I found an unused piece of land at the back of our property and every night after everyone else was asleep I would sneak out and tend to my cabbage field. My first back was no good. As was my second. But I never stopped trying.

"Over the course of five years I perfected my technique, trying again and again until the old man gave me his seal of approval. The sixth year I determined to show my success to my mother and father. They did not approve. They yelled and screamed at me, that I should be focusing on cantaloupe, not cheap cabbage! That night when I went out to my field I found it destroyed. My father and told my elder brother, blessed with earth bending, to overturn my field. It was just a pile of slate and rocks, unfit for farming anything, let alone cabbages.

"That was the first time my cabbages were destroyed. It broke my heart, but I was determined. I snuck back to my house, packed my things, and ran away. I gave up my family for my cabbages! They are indisputably my life. And then they formed the rest of my life. I traveled around, town to town, expanding my industry. Then, just outside of Omashu, I met the love of my life.

"I was young at the time, and deeply in love. She was from a family of earth benders who worked mines in the nearby mountains. She was lovely and strong willed, and she loved my cabbage stew. Every day I would come by her house and gift her a cabbage for her family to eat that night. Soon she and I would start to giggle whenever we saw each other, stealing kisses over her garden gate. Do you understand now? The romance of the cabbage that cantaloupe lacks! One spring day I gifted my love a cabbage rose, I was going to leave her soon. My business had grown and once again I had to travel around the earth kingdom.

"I will send this rose to you once a week, I told her, it will be an ambassador of our love. The trip was a perilous trek, the fire nation was starting their wide spread expansion into the earth kingdom. I had to sell to rebels, earth kingdom warriors, and fire nation warriors alike to survive. I kept my promise and sent her a cabbage rose every single week, making sure to flag down a courier even in the middle of the mountains. When I finally returned I saw her standing at her gate, waiting for the post man, waiting for her cabbage rose.

"I didn't know what to say to her after so long. I just stopped and stared, admiring her beauty. Time apart had only enhanced her looks. Eventually I gathered my nerves and stepped up to her, holding out a cabbage with a cabbage rose beneath it. 'Would you like to purchase a cabbage miss?' I asked her shyly. I remember that she leaped into my arms, causing me to drop my cabbage. That was the second time any of my cabbages were destroyed, but I did not mind as much because she had done it with no ill will.

"We married the next week and for many years I did not have to go out into the world to sell my cabbages since King Bumi of Omashu was a fan of lettuce and bough a large portion of my stock. But then the fire nation attempted to invade Ba Sing Se. Despite their failure all earth kingdom cities were on high alert, including Omashu. Then one day-"

"Hold it, hold it," Mr. Fawery interrupted, rubbing his temples, "I only listened to you so far because it kept on seeming like you were going to reach your point. Before you continue, you do _have_ a point don't you?"

"Of course," the wild eyed merchant said, raising a finger, "I was just about to get to it before you so rudely interrupted."

"I do apologize," Mr. Fawery said sneering, "do continue."

The cabbage merchant settled back into his chair. "One day the guards at Omashu were switched out and so they didn't recognize me. One of them said I couldn't sell my cabbages there anymore and used his earth bending to launch my stock of a cliff! I came back later that day after filing a complaint and was able to set up my fresh stock but before I could sell anything a group of kids, I have since discovered was the avatar and his destructive 'friends', landed on top of my cart destroying everything! I took it as a sign to give Omashu and decided it was time I traveled the Earth kingdom again. But every where I went, my stock was destroyed by that demonic group of kids! My livelihood was driven to the ground! When I tried to seek justice I was told they were too young to punish. I want justice! I WANT MY CABBAGES BACK!" He was standing up again, pointing a shaking finger at the unimpressed lawyer.

"I see." Mr. Fawery said shortly, "I'm afraid we will be unable to help. If you were unable to press charges because of the offenders age then you have little hope of wining a case against them for the same reason. I suggest you pack up and go back home. Thank you for coming."

"Now see here! I came here to seek justice! I demand you give it to me!" the cabbage merchant yelled, his angered movements disrupting the green turban on his head. "I DEMAND JUSTICE!"

"Jetson, please escort this man out." Mr. Fawery said calmly.

The cabbage merchant hadn't even seen Jetson enter the room. The secretary pulled the miserable merchant out of the office with great difficulty, ignoring the profanity's spouted at him.

"Cabbages are my life!" The merchant yelled as he was handed off to security, "I just told you everything! You know how much they mean to me! How can you treat a poor old man like this! I demand justice! MY CABBAGES!"

Security slammed the door behind them, blocking out the hysterical mans cries. It closed hard enough that the room shook, causing the inkwell to shake once again. Only this time Jetson wasn't near enough to catch it. He leapt across the room the catch it, watching in horror as it toppled and spilled across his desk. He grabbed his hair and fell to his knees.

"MY PAPERWORK!"


End file.
